A Self-Discovery

Since my July 29th post, I've received a few email responses. No one seems to experience this as I've described... which probably means I've just done a bad job of it. I think Vince hit it closest with, "You also seem to have gained the ability to run through fatigue more easily." Maybe that's all it is, and I just didn't recognize that.

But, it feels like more... it's been a journey of self-discovery for me. I have now found a "place" when running, that I can usually access at will. Maybe it's a new skill; one that I did not have even three months ago. Or, maybe it's as simple as finally learning how to run through fatigue.

Time, worry, other distractions fall away. I feel lifted by my lower body, as if I weren't the one doing the running. As if I can feel the running, but more like I'm riding in a car at the start of the space mountain roller coaster. And things are dark, and cool, and comforting, and I feel the car going slowly higher, but everything is still calm, quiet and relaxed--almost trance-like. My breathing slows, my focus turns inward. A bubble seems to form around me, and I may want silence, or I may want the same song to repeat over and over, or I may repeat a mantra like sound or statement in my head. Most importantly, I don't want to be disturbed, or my "bubble" will pop.

I find myself settled into the pace after several minutes. And I usually feel like I can hold that forever.. (or at least a very long time). But, if I stop, or break up the monotony of the pace by going fast and slow, I tire quickly, and the fatigue will catch up and overtake me. Running one minute hard, followed by one minute easy is a far greater effort, because I cannot access this state. Running 10, 20 or 30 straight at that pace is actually easier.

But as soon as I stop, I am tired, maybe even exhausted, and I find the comparison of how I feel stopping to how I felt just seconds previously running, a surprisingly wide chasm that seems incomprehensible.

I'm hoping I can find this and hold onto it for 26 and a half miles in just nine short weeks.