True Confessions of a Long Recovery

I climbed on the recumbent bike for a nice 45 minute workout today. In my gym, the bikes are seated behind the treadmills, and mine was in dead center of about 15 treadmills of different sorts, almost all of which were being used.

To my far left, I watched a girl (ok, young woman) in a pair of Nike shorts just like the ones I run in. I watched her long, smooth stride, and estimated her pace somewhere in the low 8's. She couldn't have looked more relaxed and at ease. She ran the entire time I was on the bike. I was jealous; envious; my eyes developed a distinct patina of green.... because I wanted to be running like that. I wondered if I could take her in a race of any distance. I knew I couldn't now... and as she ran, she was getting stronger by the minute. And I was merely pedaling away...

Almost in front of me was another girl (ok, another young woman--see I think of myself as a "girl," it isn't a derogatory term to me) doing a nice workout at a steep incline. She wasn't going very fast, but she had that hill incline cranked up. I watched her shins, wondered how much pressure was on her tibias. When could I do a workout like that? I was sad. I know I can't now.

To my immediate left was another girl (ok, I give up) on an Elliptical. Definitely hate the Elliptical, but I remember how the upstroke, while looking so smooth and easy, was slamming into my tibia in a most unfortunate way. And while I held no jealousy against her for being on the machine (blech!), I was incredibly jealous of her apparently strong, solid tibias. What I would be doing with those! Certainly not spending any time on an Elliptical!

I plopped back into my chair in my office some 40 minutes later, and began to type a request to Vince to reorganize my running this weekend. I wanted my 4-miler on Saturday instead of Sunday. Not something I would normally get excited about. But, it's my first 4-miler in more than 8 weeks. Suffice it to say, it's the highlight of my week. Four. Whole. Miles. Running. I wanted to celebrate!

My plan was to get a sitter, and try to get my training partner, Rick, to run part of his long run with me. But he's already leaps ahead of me now, running his mile repeats deep in the 6s. When I contacted him, he already had plans for an 18-miler with another group on Saturday. I blinked. Would I ever be able to even keep up with him again? It's been over two months since we've run together. He's the fittest he's ever been. I've done nothing but lose fitness for two months.

I nearly laid my head down on my desk and cried. I'm just being honest here. It's so hard to watch everyone pass me by. I'm filled with so much drive and determination, and I can't do anything with it. I want to be working out; I want to be doing 200m repeats; 400m repeats; redefining my fastest mile; running till I puke. I want to explore what it's like to train for my fastest 5K ever. But, I can't. And I know that's weeks and weeks away. I worry that my Spring and even Fall plans are at risk.

So, I'd like to institute a new "week." It's "Be Kind to Your Favorite Injured Runner Week." We're all suffering out here. And we can't WAIT to get back to training hard with you again!